Would You Choose Fear?

Fear alone rides behind our violence.

Peace comes when our hearts are no longer ruled by fear.

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Fear causes us to feel estranged from those we perceive as different from ourselves.

Love can quiet fear to show us our togetherness as we join in compassion for each other.

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Fear feeds upon and encourages ignorance.

Knowledge fosters understanding – or as a friend says “circle-standing.”

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Would you choose Peace, Love and Knowledge?

If so, then you must begin by planting and neutering them in your heart.

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Only when we allow fear and its anger child to leave,

encouraging peace and love to flourish,

and when we allow fear’s ignorance child to be replaced by knowledge,

can we share in a new community of compassionate understanding.

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It is my hope that more and more of us learn to cherish peace, love and knowledge in our hearts increasingly each day.

 

Wrestling with the Angel

I am wrestling with feelings of fatigue and despondency lately. Until today I’ve tried to stuff these voices and feelings, attempting to keep myself “in a high vibration” as the “law of attraction” gurus insist we do for success. The real LOA gurus know however that it’s no good stuffing unwanted emotions. All our feelings have to come out and be acknowledged for the system to really work. To me it’s like Jacob wrestling with that dark angel, whether it was God or God’s challenge representative – Satan, or his own sense of unworthiness, until the dawn. Jacob was wounded, but he won.

So now I’m counseling myself that whatever I’m feeling is OK. I’m saying that I don’t have to worry to be in the highest vibration all the time so long as I don’t become stuck in the lowest. I’m counseling myself that these thoughts of low self esteem are also valuable to me because the clue me to the parts of myself that really need and deserve my attention. It’s that last part – “deserve” – that really matters. Usually I’m thinking of these thoughts I commonly regard as weak and whiny as “undeserving.”

They are deserving though. They reflect the experiences of a boy growing up with an abusive father who always told him of how worthless he was and also told him of how worthless everyone else was. They reflect the feelings of a boy caught in a blurry world where everyone else seemed able to see the ball while he couldn’t, and where he was derided for what he couldn’t see and do as easily as the others. They reflect the emotions of a boy who tried to preserve his dignity in a second grade classroom when a teacher failed to understand that he couldn’t see the board and where he was publicly hand paddled because he couldn’t find the line of pupils returning from the lunchroom and from recess – it didn’t matter that he reached the classroom before the others. In sum, they reflect the pain of a child whom father, schoolmates, several teachers and scoutmasters made to feel and outcast.

Fortunately that boy survived though. He kept going and didn’t ultimately let all this define who he was. He decided one day that he would define himself against all the odds. From that day on he never looked back, but he still carried the pain and he still carries it until this day somewhere deep inside. Fortunately all the teachers were not ignorant as were a few. Most were OK and several were remarkable. This boy owes a lot to those remarkable ones, and he treasures them.

Fortunately also his father wasn’t abusive all the time, but he remembers the feeling of saying “Daddy I love you!” to try to stop the pain. He wonders now sometimes whether he says “I love you” only go gain acceptance and not from a real feeling of love. He has always now to double check his prevailing emotions. Does he smile in genuine greeting or in hopes of deflecting abuse or condescension? Again he always has to examine his feelings. The feelings of worthlessness are still so deeply ingrained and they can be triggered by the slightest event if he is not careful to address them compassionately when they arise.

So I am struggling with all this now. I am not a shining success for advocates of LOA that’s for sure. Still, I know that we all learn the most when we find ourselves in times of struggle and change. Our successes can certainly teach us a great deal, but not nearly so much as our difficulties and perceived failures. We just have to keep ourselves open to using each event and emotion as a learning opportunity.

So I’ll keep learning and keep moving on to pass on through this despondency that surrounds me now. By the way, my dad who was once so abusive eventually went on a major campaign to reform his life. He provided me with a great example in the end of how possible it is for us to change our attitudes if we really want to do so. He wanted to change and he searched all on his own until he found a way.

My dad had to do it pretty much alone, but we all have each other here and together we form interlacing supportive communities. It’s good for us all to know that we’re here for each other when things seem difficult as well as for our successes. I hope we will all know that we can share troubles as well as triumphs together.

And know that you and I are loved by everyone here. I feel that. I don’t have to say: “I love you!” because I feel the love circulating all around us here and I feel us all caught up in this great sharing.

Know that you are loved and that everyone living is loved.

 

What is Our Ultimate Purpose?

Nothing is hidden from you; all truth is open to you. This you know in your heart of hearts. You know deep within yourself that to live with ultimate love and compassion for self and for others is the only way to fulfill your life purpose. All else leads only to temporary gain, followed by ultimate loss; for to live any other way avoids ultimate purpose. Therefore, live honestly and in loving-kindness for yourself and for all around you. When we live in such a way we are at one with the heart of all being.

We often find no time to consider ultimate meaning at all. Some of us live our lives in a day to day rush that prevents us from feeling in touch with the heart of all being. Others among us find ourselves so overwhelmed by the pain of war, natural disaster or famine that we feel we cannot consider anything beyond immediate survival. In either case, our daily concerns seem meaningless in terms of our existence, or, rather, we pursue immediate concerns in a way in which we cannot find their connection with ultimate meaning. It isn’t usually what we do, but how we do it that makes the difference.

Our frustration alone, so often shown in terms of emotional distress, combined with addictive and sociopathic behavior, clues us to something we subconsciously seek beyond our immediate focus. Our dreams might remind us of a deep and forgotten significance behind our presence here, but we are often baffled by their language.

The meaning behind our existence is no secret. It is there within us all. It is simply that we find so little time to consider what we seek above all else: love, peace and fulfillment: a sense of togetherness and ultimate oneness with all things. We desire this sense of oneness – of return to the source – above all else, but even our desiring takes us further from our goal. The act of love seems often to take us closest, but then we often emerge with feelings of heightened loneliness.

We cannot find oneness through desiring. Do not desire: Give! – Give what you desire! – Be the source of all you desire! Only then can you be fulfilled in your purpose, for that is the purpose and challenge for each of us – to represent ultimate truth in human form.

Our purpose here is to love; it is not to be loved. Therefore, do not desire to be loved! – Simply love! What you give will return to you. The universe awaits you with boundless love in response to the love you pour out to others in all you do. We need not desire love or want for anything, for we are loved and cared for no matter what hardship may surround us. The gift of universal love awaits us always and can live forever within our hearts.

Many say that our feeling of separateness is an illusion. It is not an illusion, but our consciousness of only one aspect of our being. We are after all individual, but we are also connected as we are united, both spiritually and physically, in the heart of all being. We are as connected in the heart of all being as the leaves and branches of a tree are part of one tree. The tree cannot live without its parts, and its parts cannot live separate from the whole.

In our heart of hearts we know we are connected. Our ego minds play upon our individuality because they can see nothing but our separate manifestations. Our hearts sense our connectedness and express this knowledge when we listen. The heart is our balance point; it is where intellect and emotion join as one, mingling in a dance of yin and yang.

The heart of all being seeks conscious awareness and full expression through each manifestation of being. We are one ever developing manifestation of being. There are many others, each contributing a unique awareness to the whole of consciousness. As the tree would not live if it did not branch out from its core and respond to energies around it, so the universal consciousness of all being would not develop if it did not manifest itself in all possible forms allowed by circumstance.

We are here as a species so long as we fulfill our role as experience gatherers, as leaves remain green so long as they nourish the tree. We are not more valuable than what we contribute to the whole. Therefore be generous and aware in all things. We are not more limited than we ourselves impose, for the heart of all being desires full expression. Therefore, see your life as filled with limitless possibility.

Know that whatever you dream you can manifest, for the dream is all being searching for its realization. Nothing envisioned will fail to manifest. Choose then to manifest what you feel in your heart to be good for you and for those you love. And if you love truly, those you love will include all things, as you reflect the love of all being that shines through you to all around you.

Simply love, infinitely and purely. Then abundance will flow through your life and you will become a radiant blessing to all. Then you will always be filled with inner joy and peace as you know yourself at one with all being.

Namaste!

DBR

 

It’s All Good

This expression is one I often used not so long ago and then ceased using for some reason, perhaps doubting its truth. I saw it today on a web site entitled “The Thirty Day Blessing Way Challenge,” and seeing it caused me to think again about its implications. Earlier I had listened to Neal Donald Walsh say much the same thing in a web radio interview. Then a dinner discussion with my partner concerning the nature of right and wrong brought the question to me once again. I was set to notice the expression when it appeared to me a short time later.

Though we may find the statement “It’s all good” hard to believe it has weighty backup. “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NRSV). This Pauline statement is not so different from a Buddhist outlook that good or enlightenment is the only possible outcome for our individual and therefore collective journey. Misfortune becomes part of the overall lesson and apparent evil serves only to create a greater good than might have been imagined before. In both Christian and Buddhist perspectives, those in tune with their greater purpose, service or oneness with God as the sum of all being, are no longer victimized by present events: they live within a universal rather than a particular perspective.

Both the Buddha and the Christ ask us to view individual situations and conditions with compassion rather than judgment. Compassion prevents us from condemning in any way. It simply is not possible to combine the two. Compassion requires us to walk in the shoes of absolutely everyone who lives on this earth, bar none. In compassion I have to become the terrorist, the murderer, the robber. I have to understand their motivation and the yearnings that cause them to act as they do. I may see their acts as unfortunate and still maintain compassion, but I must also acknowledge some responsibility for conditions helping to spawn their attitudes and behavior.

Most people will justify their actions, no matter how “wrong” they may appear to others. To justify means to find an action “right” by some standard. As observers, we may find another’s standard unsubstantial, but compassion helps us to comprehend that we are not the ones caught in this particular circumstance and in a sense imprisoned by this particular point of view. Individuals crashing planes into the Twin Towers or the Pentagon called out: “God be praised!” because they believed their actions to be right in terms of the conflict they perceived themselves to be waging against “the Great Satan.” A murderer kidnaps and executes an aging couple because he never felt love as a child. They become the surrogates for parents and grandparents whom he feels never showed love. Their slightest actions and their obvious fear show him once again how he is always denied love. His reaction is to kill while begging them to love.

I can now see myself in all these circumstances whether as murderer or victim, but that was not always so. It may require reflection before I can reach what I consider a compassionate point of view while I wish it could be immediate, but immediacy will come only with time as I dissolve all anger and bitterness remaining in my heart.

We release ourselves from victimization only when we see the possibility for good in any situation. The good outcome may not be immediately apparent and it certainly will not often manifest so immediately as apparent harm. Someone said: “Misfortune happens quickly and good things take a while to accomplish.” This statement deserves consideration as we think about how life works on all levels. Horror and war teach us to treasure beauty and peace. Perhaps some of us can only learn to treasure peace by direct experience of war, even to the point of creating atrocities. We have no idea what requirement another soul may have on its journey to enlightenment – and it is for this reason alone that compassion is our only appropriate response.

I long for the day when all war and terror, all atrocity, murder, theft and deceit will cease. All the universe will rejoice on that instant I feel sure. That instant cannot be until all are ready – until all are sufficiently enlightened to “learn war no more” (Micah 4:3) in reference to personal, family, community and international relationships. This time will come when we all can appreciate beauty, love and peace without need for opposing experiences to prove their necessity for our survival and prosperity.

We can do most to change the outlook of others by first changing our own perspective. We too often preach peace and love with prevailing and often unacknowledged anger in our hearts. I know I personally hold much anger in my heart and I feel it more intensely as I become more aware. This is good! Only then can I embrace, absolve and dissolve the anger from my heart with true heart forgiveness.

The “Thirty Day Blessing Way Challenge” is one exercise that may help each of us address any bitterness we harbor within. Merely the commitment to greet every individual with blessing and to find the good in every circumstance will help us begin to dissolve embedded anger with kindness for ourselves as well as for those whom we encounter. Family, community and world peace can only arrive when we each carry only peace and love in our hearts. Until that instant, and while we all carry at least some discord somewhere in our hearts, let us choose not to condemn others no matter how reprehensible their actions may seem. As peace and love grow in our hearts, so will we find ourselves able to pass more and more quickly through anger and judgment to view others with compassion (loving-kindness) regardless of circumstance.

The link for the Thirty Day Blessing Way Challenge mentioned here is:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=96868554042&h=0qJSp&u=V1Kce&ref=mf

 

Manifestations

I offer these thoughts in hopes that others may share these perceptions, that still others may use my thoughts to go deeper, and that still others will take issue with all I say here if they so choose. My thoughts will go from puppies to tulips and then to human beings, hopefully weaving a thread of meaning for all. I can only tell you with certainty that my journey into self-awareness continues, and I hope yours does as well. The following writing recounts some of my journey.

Our neighbor’s six month old puppy, Koda,  is spending several days with us and providing much joy and sometimes less than delightful trouble. This morning I watched our dog, Reggie,  and Koda play together in our living and dining area. They had already spent a good time running and playing outside, but apparently that was not enough for these two.  Reggie  had a big squeaky toy in his mouth and was aging Koda on to chase him and try to get it away from him. Reggie seemingly had no concept of allowing Koda to win occasionally, however, and the usually imperturbable Koda soon gave up the attempt.

Later, they were once again chasing with Koda now taking the lead, possessing yet another toy, and with Reggie in hot pursuit – flying up and down stairs and from room to room at top speed. Some undeniable shift in balance had taken place within the intervening minutes.

Now I weave another incident into this story. Before going out to dinner together last night, my partne, Ruth and I marveled at the beauty of gold, white and flaming red tulips in the common garden for our nine member condominium community. Ruth planted these with loving care a year ago and was now especially enjoying both their beautiful blooming and their tenacity in surviving the occasional cold weather and snow during late April and early May.

We arrived home from the restaurant to find every tulip trampled and broken. Our dogs were indoors, so they were not the culprits. Besides, they had always been careful to avoid these flowers. I asked a neighbor who was sunning herself on her patio whether she had noticed a disturbance, and she said: “Well, there was a kid here not too long ago!”

I felt anger well up in me at her apparent unconcern for the flowers and for her ease at suggesting the child might automatically be held responsible. I wondered why she had taken no effort to control the situation if she had noticed any disturbance. Perhaps it all happened in utter silence without her notice. This would have been surprising considering the devastation that greeted our return.

I realized quickly though that I had to get beyond this state of mind. Both Ruth and I knew full well that our neighbor was resentful of community spending for flowers and therefore cared nothing for the tulips at all. I also found it impossible to hold anger against a child. Breaking down tulips might be a joyous experience for any boy on a bike, and if I did think about a neighborhood kid riding through on a bicycle and crushing the tulips I would have to view the situation with compassion.

We live in the midst of poverty here and the children living around us have little concept of being cared for and loved judging from what I hear and feel from the surrounding environment. Crushing flowers would only reflect a local child’s sense of being so crushed by parents, older siblings and the environment in general.

“Beauty is ephemeral!” we both thought. But then I thought, “no, it’s not!” Beauty is eternal so long as there is consciousness of beauty, only particular manifestations are ephemeral – and this is true of all manifestations whether or not we call them beautiful. All manifestations shift and endure here only for an interval: no manifestation is eternal. Beauty is a quality we sense permeating all we call beauti-ful. The quality exists independently of all its perceived manifestations.

This brings me back to the two dogs playing. They are so particularly beautiful as they are now. No other two dogs could be as they were on this particular day. They will remain wonderful in my memory and in the consciousness of all those who love them for as long as any of us are here to maintain that particular awareness. Still, they will never be exactly like this again, not even tomorrow. Tomorrow they will be new beings in a sense, new manifestations of their inimitable selves. The same is true for you and for me.

Reggie and Koda will continue to mature and age. One day they will no longer want to play together. Such lively movements as they displayed today may no longer be possible for them in even a few short years. They will manifest themselves differently every day of their lives, in fact every moment of their lives, as long as they appear on this plane.

I know also that the likelihood of my continuing to manifest myself in anything like my present form becomes increasingly less likely as my years go by. This is not morbidity, it is simply a fact. From where I am now, my presence here in this form has a much higher possibility of ending before theirs than it would have had even a year or so ago.

We must appreciate each other here while we can, simply for the joy of sharing being in this form. No matter what we are otherwise, this form and our togetherness in this way is not present forever. Carry me in memory if I go from you first and I will carry you in turn and await you wherever we go from here, though I know not how or in what form that will be! Love surrounds us, embraces us – eventually subsumes us from this particular form of contrary nature once again into itself.

We view ourselves here as a continuum: we are not so, not in this form. In this form we are ever new. We are ever momentary projections of a way we choose to manifest within this plane of life. You are different from moment to moment as am I. Your moods and thus your entire self can change in a flash, and this is true for me as well.

The same is true for every being we encounter here. We find our real continuity only when we touch and become aware of ourselves as we are beyond this plane – ourselves who observe us here and participate from there through our experiences, learning and also teaching our physical selves as they commune with us on this plane.

We are not bound to what we are here. We are not bound to our attitudes, our reactions, our thoughts, our whims, our feelings or anything else at all. We do not have to be hateful, we do not have to be loving. We do, however, have to choose what we are – how we manifest – in any moment, and that choice we can always change again. Not knowing ourselves beyond projection, we often do manifest differently and in contradiction, sometimes from one moment to the next. Not knowing the center we are often unaware of the significance of our choices and this often brings sorrow in the end.

We must therefore seek constancy in our true selves as our ultimate awareness comes only from the true selves within us. These true selves see beyond temporary concern for our manifested world and our myriad feelings that so often collide within us as we play our parts here without a centered view of who we are beyond each momentary role.

I often played alone as a child. I would imagine myself a soldier fighting an overpowering enemy, facing down opposing forces on all sides. Quickly though I could change the game and become a detective, taking no more than an instant to alter the entire scene. Friends and I could also do this, though negotiation for roles usually took longer than an instant, becoming thereby perhaps an even more significant lesson for how we adjust roles in adult life.

All this is reminiscent of the book “The Games People Play,” but here I am considering purely our games as demonstrating our actual shifting projection of self in everyday interaction. We fool ourselves if we think the physical self who acts or feels one way is the same as the self that acts or feels another way. Our continuing selves are behind our momentary feelings and actions and an inner voice will always try to inform our physical selves as to whether or not our present feelings and actions remain attuned to our true selves.

Even for a lengthy portion of adult life I felt as though I were only playing a role here and that I could not find my real self. My occupation as a singer – a performer – helped to enhance that feeling. I have since sought my true self behind the projection I had manufactured for myself both to block myself from the pain of childhood and to provide myself with a sense of worth. Gradually I have found myself over time. I cannot say that it came in one moment of sudden revelation, nor can I say that the connection is yet complete. I can say though that my seeming failures have provided me with more insight than any supposed success. I am at least sufficiently in touch with my real self to know now that what I experience here as self and world is in no way the main show.

To quiet the mind, to meditate, to center oneself is to re-establish communion with our true self who remains in communion with the heart of being itself.

Love is the heart of all being, for love promotes all things and destroys nothing. Within love all things grow and develop and nothing can pass away without becoming yet another manifestation of being. We know this at our core when in touch with our true selves. We often forget it in the games we play. Let us not now forget once again to remember!

 

Reggie Ethics

I am considering a reworking of my theories of why we are here. Previously I considered physical life to be a school where we come to learn so as to become enlightened. Recently I came to know that we are enlightened already; we just don’t remember that we are. In other words, we forget why we are here and what we wanted to do here. Very simply, the reason we are here is to experience the dynamics of awareness on this plane.

You may ask how this relates to my dog guide Reggie? Well, Reggie is not so different from us in essence, and like us he already knows everything. He is universal awareness experiencing the dynamics of existence as a dog – particularly as a working dog in an American home with two reasonably functional humans.

Reggie seems to know exactly why he is here: He’s here to eat. Eating is his chief goal in everything. Reggie lives for the next meal, and he gulps it down with gusto when it comes. Extend this pattern to its most universal application and we might say Reggie lives for self-preservation and self-gratification, in that order. Reggie seeks what preserves him, namely food. Now, after that he is also gratified by loving care and shelter, and you might be tempted to say these are actually more important. Well, they are not the things Reggie has on his mind most hours of the day, though I feel sure he would find life harder without them.

Reggie is centered on food because without food he would be extremely miserable. Perhaps he never considers death, but he knows he needs food for survival. He is sensitive to the gnawing discomfort of an empty stomach, and, believe me, he wants to avoid that feeling at all costs. Unlike most humans in developed countries, he does not eat for the pleasure of taste or the joy of companionship around a meal. He would fight for his food if pressed and he eats whatever appears.

So, what is Reggie’s ethic? His ethic is self-preservation. Instructors at Guide Dogs for the Blind were the first to point this out to me. They say quite strongly that when a guide dog makes an emergency stop or scoot to avoid danger it isn’t to protect the handler but to protect self. Reggie will refuse to step out into moving traffic as if saying: “I’m not stupid enough to go out there! You go by yourself if you want to go there!”

Reggie’s chief way of proving this self-preservation ethic is that even on harness he is immediately behind my legs if we approach a cat. He will gladly face down any dog without losing his cool, but he immediately seeks protection from any cat that doesn’t run.

How does our ethic compare to Reggie’s? Well, I wonder! Is our ethic different from Reggie’s or have we simply done a better job of forgetting than Reggie has? I’m asking this question only to those of us humans in an economically prosperous western world: I would never ask it of someone living where food is scarce. Do you get my point already?

Look for instance at the things that seem to capture our interest. Of course we are interested in food, but most of us in prosperous countries have no consciousness of what it is like to be really hungry. Our stomachs will complain if we find ourselves late for a meal, but that is nothing like the gnawing anguish and physical wastage of real hunger. Avoiding hunger is no longer our major concern when we believe food to be abundant. Our chief concerns regarding food are taste, abundance and sociability: Accessibility is almost never an issue to us.

So, the real question is: In a world of plenty, is self-preservation replaced by self-gratification as our prime concern? Admittedly, self-preservation may immediately spring back into first place when we sense a real threat to physical life: but threat to physical life may generally seem less compelling to us amidst plenty and security.

We have made books like “The Secret” into best sellers, together with their attendant films, and we flock to self-help groups devoted to engendering personal prosperity. “Find this secret,” or “Follow this technique,” they all say, “and gain all the wealth you can imagine!” All you have to do is believe and wealth will be attracted to you like a magnet – or – you follow these specific steps and inevitably wealth will be in your hands.

Our ethic, then, seems to be the reverse of Reggie’s. We seem motivated first of all by self-gratification and secondly by self-preservation. After all, which of the two is most consistently on our minds? We no longer eat primarily for survival: we eat for pleasure. We also enrich our diets for a sense of increased youthfulness and vitality – improved self-image. We want to live longer and have more pleasure. We live for gratification.

There is one thing in common between Reggie’s dog ethic and our human ethic in a prosperous world however: both represent an ethic of self-interest. Reggie is not concerned about the welfare of other dogs, to the best of my knowledge. We, on the other hand, allow ourselves awareness of the needs of others to the extent that it fosters our sense of relative fortune. After all, we have so much, we can afford to give some away without missing it – and that is exactly how much we give, individually and as a society. Most of us give to the extent that our sense of generosity enhances our sense of self-gratification and no more.

So, what do we really know that we have forgotten? I suggest that most of us have forgotten the reality that we are all one: we have forgotten that the needs of those in deprivation are really the needs of us all. We have forgotten that well-being is only an illusion if not experienced by all. Reggie experiences his dog life as part of universal consciousness’s continued exploration of what it means to be physical in all forms. His concern hardly extends beyond himself and his pack. We also have self and family concern, but our concern is tempered by an added store of forgotten understanding that we as humans must remember if we are to comprehend why we are here.

That forgotten understanding, an understanding denied by those promoting self-gratification above all else, is that we are all one and that the hardship of one affects us all. The value of this knowledge lies in understanding that helping others or preserving our shared environment leads not to shared deprivation, as some insist, but to real and sustainable prosperity and plenty for all. The secret then is not so much that all wealth will be drawn to us if we only believe, but that plenty will multiply like loaves and fishes when shared from generous hearts.

A related article of interest:

An article by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks “Can We Learn from the Law Suit Against Rhonda Byrn and The Secret” – posted May 7, 2009 in The Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathlyn-and-gay-hendricks/what-can-we-learn-from-th_b_198995.html

 

Bitterness and Social Change

Recent “tea parties,” organized by those opposed to taxation, exposed deep-seated feelings of bitterness and fearful suspicion of progressive change held by many in our country. This bitterness and suspicion exhibit a nagging pain often unrecognized by those holding it within themselves as they sometimes employ it to enhance a sense of personal identity and meaning.  In contrast, some critical reactions to the April 15^th demonstrations minimize the significance of pervasive bitterness and fear held by those who demonstrated.

The Great Falls tea party took place on the steps of City Hall, spilling out across the sidewalk and just over the curb edge at the intersection of Central Avenue and First Street.  I could hear the sounds of microphoned speech as my dog guide and I approached, and when we stopped at the crowd edge I asked someone who was obviously smoking to explain to me exactly what was going on. Grudgingly, it seemed, he offered a description to someone he may have perceived as different, either because of my obvious blindness or because of my professed ignorance of this planned occurrence. Gradually I winkled out of him some description of what the signs were like that he and others were feeling. “We’re against any taxes and against the federal government!”

Clearly the crowd would not part to allow passage to my accustomed crosswalk. The guy said he would help me cross the street right there. Unwisely, I accepted and we stepped out to the curb edge where he looked and finally said, OK! Reggie and I stepped out right into the path of an oncoming car. There was a loud honk, and fortunately the driver was able to stop in time. Still, I remain unsure whether the horn blast was totally for me or whether it was given partially in support of the assembled group, as many other drivers were honking in apparent support as they drove by. The good thing is that the driver was able to stop, and Reggie and I then proceeded safely across the street.

American people are not supposed to be bitter, yet I sense bitterness embedded deeply in the hearts of many in northern Montana. I sense it in the way some people drive, deliberately pulling in front of pedestrians into a cross walk when individuals are already crossing a street, or accelerating so they can make that turn just before a pedestrian reaches the point where they might be hit. My particular concern is more for my dog guide when our speed and distance from a turning car may be more difficult for the driver to judge.

Fortunately, most drivers are courteous rather than thoughtless, but there are enough individuals showing apparent concern only for their own welfare to cause me to think that something in their minds convinces them to act in apparent disregard for pedestrians, particularly those with disabilities whom they may view as social liabilities. Having to work long hours, or sometimes being limited to insufficient hours, in jobs they may dislike, many individuals may consider those with disabilities who are sometimes unable to work to be a major cause for the despised taxes they feel unwilling to pay.

I suspect there are two strands of emotion in Montana that would lead to individuals feeling hostile toward others around them, particularly those with disabilities. One is the arrogant cowboy attitude exemplified during the recent Bush administration and seen in the previous Bush and Reagan administrations as well. Even those who are in no way cowboys admire and emulate a macho attitude stating that everyone should look after their own interests with no regard for community responsibility. They see no need for social structures if everyone simply looks after their own interests. Many people in this group want to own and carry guns without requirements for license or background check simply because they value their own sense of personal liberty above any concern for social responsibility.

Though some in this group actually own or work on ranches, most drive dilapidated pickups and try to scratch a living in a Montana economy that has remained consistently depressed in contrast to the prevailing US economy, even in the best of times. Though Great Falls and the Montana Highline are not unaffected by the recent economic downturn, the region is also not so severely affected as much of the nation. This area has always been on the bottom economic rung anyway. Without much gain during the past twenty years there has been less to lose during the past nine months.

Others carry bitterness and suspicion in their hearts even without the emulated cowboy model. Bitterness comes out through constant complaining about any topic, whether social or domestic. It manifests itself in fibromyalgia-like symptoms, especially among women, eventually leading to needless gallbladder removal and hysterectomies as doctors attempt to relieve unexplained pain symptoms or attempt to gain Medicaid reimbursement for ceaseless office or emergency room visits for pain complaints. Though fibromyalgia is a real issue for many regardless of economic and political persuasion, and gallbladder removal and hysterectomies are usually genuinely needed when performed, these apparently unnecessary procedures to relieve unexplained pain symptoms have little or no benefit for many of those receiving treatment.

Men within this group generally escape bitterness through excessive drinking or spousal abuse, usually manifested in the form of continuous quarrelsomeness, openly played out in endless complaining in social and work settings. Hunting provides an annual legal outlet for those who can afford guns, ammunition and the vehicle and gas to reach a good location. TV sports provide another escape. Finally, and perhaps most significantly, abundant casinos offer ample opportunity for cheap drinks and promised winnings as they continue to provide Montana’s effective tax on the poor. Of course, many who enjoy hunting do not hunt as a way of finding meaning in a life otherwise defined by bitterness, nor do those who enjoy sports necessarily do so to escape the bitterness of a life perceived as meaningless and hopeless.

Whether or not these observations are totally correct, it seems evident that bitterness lies well seated in the hearts and minds of many Montanans who perceive their lives as being without hope or purpose. The only hope for the American dream in the minds and hearts of many lies in reacting against the interests of others. “Why admit immigrants when I don’t have a job?” “Why pay taxes to support local schools when I don’t have kids in school?” “Why support those on public assistance when I’m struggling to make a living in a low paying job?” These questions express a last, desperate attempt at meaning though denying something to others.

Perhaps the most regrettable thing in the recent tea party experience is that members of a supposedly national political party and members of a supposedly objective cable broadcasting network espouse an attitude of exclusive self-interest over shared community responsibility as an admirable quality, rallying around such attitudes in an attempt to find identity for a political movement that has lost its way and proven itself morally bankrupt. Members of the Republican Party now seem enamored with Governor Perry’s call for secession. With no coherent counter proposals to Obama’s calls for effective change, dropping out seems their only hope for survival. They become like the truck driver willing to feint running down any pedestrian in his path just to show bitterness and frustration.

Doubtless it will take time before those used to being left behind by a society built on the principle of limitless reward for the wealthy begin to realize that proposed changes will bring real benefit to their lives as well as to the lives of everyone in American society. There is little wonder that those raised in bitterness might be slow to find hope in this new beginning; after all, no other promised hope has brought them relief, why should this one? Our task ahead is to somehow pass through this period of change without sedition, insurrection and other forms of social violence. For this reason, any political party that espouses calls for secession deserves only criticism for an attitude that can only be described as soundly un-American in its opposition to the positive quality that most American citizens perceive in this new climate of social and political change.

America now has an opportunity to be reborn into the ideal it was intended to be. Now more than ever, it is important that we all unite to bring individual perspectives together to realize this ideal as closely as we possibly can in this new society.

 

Love – A Meditation

Love flows through me to all when I share it.

Love is boundless. -

It is like water flowing from an endless source. -

It is endless so long as I draw from that source,

so long as the stream of love flows through me.

The moment I share all the love in my heart it is then full again.

 
 

It is not something sparing that I have to measure out: so much here so much there.

I don’t have to draw up a budget for wise spending: -

But, I do have to be wise in how I share.

This love is not from me – it is from beyond:

It passes through me onward.

 
 

I feel it as it passes.

I feel it as I send it toward someone particular,

or as I share with all the world when I go deep within myself.

But it is not only mine to give!

I am a channel for eternal love if I open myself to be.

Now this love flows through me to others.

 
 

Then, I love especially my partner.

From this love I commit to share life together, -

each moment together in a special way.

 
 

I love others deeply as well, -

each for who they are in themselves and as they are special to me.

Do I remember then to channel eternal love and kindness? -

Or do I become so caught up in personal feeling that I forget?

 
 

I forget sometimes I admit.

Now I am remembering: the love is not all mine: –

it comes from the source.

Perhaps it has a special character as water from a chosen spring,

but it all comes from the source and is ours to share more than to give.

 
 

Do I restrict my love to someone because of their role?

Do I love my mother because she is my mother -

and forget she is also human?

She needs my love now in her humanness.

If I miss her humanness, I fail to send the love she needs.

 
 

We are all more than our roles to each other.

We are all human together –

souls sharing a journey.

Our love for each other embraces us fully when we share from the source.

 
 

Do I forget to replenish my own thirst when I share from the source?

There’s a thought!

Can the source pass through me and I drink not? –

finding all my reward in giving to others?

Yes, oh yes, I can! -

 
 

But the source is here for my soul as well as all others.

My soul is no less worthy of life giving love.

I stand beside the flowing water;

I feel it flow through me;

it invites me to drink.

 
 

Now when I channel this love I will remember to drink my fill as well –

I will no longer find myself starved for love –

giving to others in hopes of receiving love back.

 
 

Drink first and then share!

Then and finally then I share from plenty

to now give plenty with no thought of return.

 
 

This in itself it love.

 

Life, Love, Beauty

Find a place in life for spirit –

- A place for love and the expression of love,

- A place for beauty.

 

Have the courage to say: “I love you!”

 

Treasure that place of love even in contention.

 

Keep that place of love free of passing anger, no matter how deep the offense.

 

Find all the small, wonderful ways to show love.

 

Accept responsibility only from love and not from obligation.

 

Appreciate beauty and take it in with every breath.

 

Treasure each breath is the greatest beauty we know, as each breath brings life in which to treasure beauty.

 

Let your soul be free to feel and to share beauty and love as it longs to do.

 

Find a space to see or hear only beauty and to feel only love each day.

 

Keep this space quiet and pure.

 

Center yourself here and find renewal here.

 

Experience yourself as loved, cherished and valued by you and know that the universe marvels at your wondrous creation.

 

Remember: The universe admires all that is: why should we take exception?

 

Now let love, beauty, peace and appreciation for all things fill your heart, and invite your fears, resentments and angers to feel and appreciate them too.

 

Love! – Once Again

Love!

Fall in love with all things!

Let passion burn in your heart:

a dark coal that bursts

into flame when touched -

an inextinguishable flame

that does not consume

but leaves you whole -

and when you grow old

the fire dims but glows hot -

and when you are gone

the hearth remains warm

where you were.